It is also worrisome that the average age I get when people guess my age is 15. I like to think I could play the girl actress on "To Catch a Predator" and bake cookies for unsuspecting child molesters. Proud moment? Maybe. Should it be? Probably not. I hope I grow up one day...
(Sidenote: This pic makes me wanna break out into "chillin out max and relaxin all cool...")
1. To the man (or child) who ran across the street, breaking mid conversation and running across traffic to follow me two blocks to my apartment: wtf?
a. I don't approve of running, so you struck out before the ball was swung (not meant to be sexual).
b. I'm pretty sure you looked about 14 years old, so even if I agreed to engage you in the way you hoped, it would be illegal.
2. To the transexual "John" who couldn't read any of the anti-conversation warning signs:
a. No, I don't want to tell you my name, how old I am... but I will give you my social and address so you can stalk me to the fullest extent. =)
b. You make me not ever want to carry my school bag because it gives people a reason to start conversations.
c. I was secretly thinking to myself the whole time the different self defense moves I would use on you if you tried anything because there were only three people on the train. I think it would have been a fair match cuz you were small in stature and my swift kick to the side of the knee cap would have been sufficient.
3. To those poets who come up with the strangest names and try to make them sound "pretty" so that I will turn around:
a. saying mademoiselle louder and louder as I walk away does not entice me to turn around. But adding the fake french accent, adding hand movements, and shaking your hips sure did... not.
b. calling someone "luscious" is like using the word "moist".... it's just gross and no one likes it. Barfed in my mouth.
So what can these desperate men do to up their chances at nabbing "the one?"
1. There is a time and a place for everything. If you're not in a club or somewhere that random socializing is acceptable, it's probably not the time or the place.
2. Lower your voice, and don't put on fake accents. They're not impressive.
3. "Hello." That word is your best friend.
4. Get a job? It's a better way to "network" and meet people. When you holler at a girl on the street, there is absolutely posotutely no hormone or trigger in the brain anywhere that makes us want to stop whatever we are doing and jump all over you. I know, shocking... good thing I have this blog. How else would you have found out?
*sigh*
I guess I will start writing that letter to Obama hoping that he will approve of me responsibly using a shank to remove untamed eyes and untrained vocal chords....
Good gravy and good riddance.
